I’ve got it. You’ve got it. We’ve got it!
So. I’ll be the last person to write a bit about the 2010, which I’ve been enjoying enormously and am totally looking forward to Spain beating Holland. When dealing with the world cup it’s easy to figure out who I’ll be hoping for by knowing a few things.
1. I almost always go for the underdog. Either football-wise or if the country has been fucked over by colonial powers, or the World Bank, IMF, USA, etc.
2. This rule is superceded by teams from Latin America, unless
3. That team is either Argentina or Brasil. I’m tired of them.
4. I also revoke my support from any team that has proven themselves to be douchebags.
I did want the US team to do well, but not go too far, because any exposure that their success can bring to football in the US is fantastic.
So in the group stages here’s who I was going for:
Group A: Uruguay. Mexico. South Africa. France.
This was a tough one. Uruguay and Mexico are both here – Latin America. South Africa – total underdog. The only clear cut team to rule out is France. Because 1 they were a colonial power. And 2, they totally cheated their way to get into the World Cup. At least Thierry Henry apologized. And it was immensely fun to follow all the drama as their team imploded in acrimony. Who to go for? Mexico. Cuz I love Mexico! Although South Africa would’ve been cool too.
Group B: Argentina. Korea Republic. Greece. Nigeria.
Another tough group to choose from. Argentina are clearly out cuz of rule number 3. Greece? Totally bankrupt and anarchy in the streets, they’re a good team to go for. Korea Republic, meh. No opinion one way or the other. Nigeria. Yes! Nigeria!
Group C: United States. England. Slovenia. Algeria.
Here we go. England are out right away. Douchebags. Colonial power. Boring. Slovenia, no opinion. U.S? Again, I want them to do well, but not amazing. So Algeria it is! Vive L’Algérie! That’s a fairly easy group to figure out.
Group D: Germany. Ghana. Australia. Serbia.
Fucking hell! You better believe Australia are gone! Serbia? No opinion. Germany – strong European country? No thanks. Ghana! Hells yes!
Group E: Netherlands. Japan. Denmark. Cameroon.
Boy howdy. I feel like the further into the groups I go, the less interested I got. Denmark and Netherlands. No opinions, but since they have their shit together for the most part and they’re European, they’re out. Sorry to The Ex. Japan? They’re fun to watch, but I’m going with Cameroon!
Group F: Paraguay. Slovakia. New Zealand. Italy.
Less and less interesting for me. Paraguay is the clear winner though.
Group G: Brasil. Portugal. Cote d’Ivoire. Korea DPR (North Korea).
Here we go! Brasil yr fucking gone! Cuz yr Brasil! I’m tired of you. Portugal, way to fuck up South America! In this group it’s a tie! Cote d’Ivoire I’m going for you! But, I’m also going for North Korea, cuz their players need some love. I loved that they held Brasil to a 2-1 win. They held their own against Brasil! They kind of seemed to fall apart after that though. That was a drag.
Group H: Spain. Chile. Switzerland. Honduras.
Here’s another tough one, cuz we’ve got two from Latin America. Chile and Honduras. Switzerland, European country that has it’s shit together – I don’t dislike you, but yr gone. Spain – yr a former colonial power who severely fucked up the western hemisphere, but I’ve got a soft spot for ya, but in this case – yr also gone (even though I like watching yr team play). So, Chile? Or Honduras? I wanted to see both go through, but if I had to choose one, I’d choose the Central Americans – Honduras!
How’d my teams do?
Group A: Uruguay and Mexico both got through. Alright! Alright!
Group B: Argentina got through! Goddamnit! As did Korea Republic.
Group C: The US got through on top and England followed close behind.
Group D: Germany and Ghana were both through.
Group E: Netherlands and Japan.
Group F: Paraguay, Yes! And Slovakia.
Group G: Brasil, goddamnit. And Portugal. Suckfest!
So at this point I was going for Uruguay and Mexico. Ghana and Paraguay. As well as anyone who would bother to beat Argentina, England and Brasil. And kind of sort of, the US.
The US went out in their first game against Ghana, fair enough. And England followed shortly after when Germany creamed them. Germany who would then cream Argentina, thanks for that Germany.
Mexico also went out in their first knockout against Argentina.
In the knockout stage Uruguay would prove to be nearly unstoppable and they had my support until their striker Luis Suárez totally intentionally and unapologetically used his hand to knock Ghana’s winning goal away, thus eliminating Ghana. Uruguay officially ended up firmly in the douchebag camp.
Brasil finally got beat by the Netherlands, success! They would go on to defeat Uruguay in a kind of thuggish game that made me glad that Uruguay was gone, but didn’t really bring me around to Holland’s camp.
This whole time I’ve been watching Spain. Spain, who are a colonial power, but who I kind of like anyways, have an awesome stylee of play. I know a lot of people don’t like it, dismissively calling it tiki-taka as well as anti-football. A lot of complicated passing and looking for openings where their don’t seem to be any. But I love watching it and find it totally awesome to behold! All of their games have been low scoring, but thoroughly entertaining. And now that they are in the final, I’m totally going for them!
This is the first year that I’ve cared enough to watch the majority of the games and I think I’m coming away from the experience a football convert. I was mildly interested in the game before, but now I think it’s on! When I occasionally catch myself wondering how much a subscription to GOLTV might cost, I think I’ve crossed a line. Not a bad line, but a line.